Round IV

Pictured to the left are an adoring crowd of Kaiaslh Kher fans in Dallas. The past few weeks have been an existence of extremes, one week I'm in bed, then I'm in some city with my friend and business partner Ali and our artist Kailash Kher. The tour is now over. I've made it to Los Angeles, Dallas, and this past weekend Chicago for the IIT Conference where Bill Clinton gave a keynote and Kailash and the boys were the gala event. It's been great fun having road time with a solid band of friends at memorable events.

Yesterday I completed round four of chemo. It's pulverizing. Neuropathy was kicking at it's highest level yet sending electric shocks accompanied by pins-and-needles throughout my hands and feet, nasty chemo mouth has turned my tongue yellow, and the intense nausea inspired my first oral projection, clearing all the contents of my empty stomach. I'm not joking when I share with my friends that my current life cycle revolves around a 14-day period during which I experience a week of death followed by a week of life. I really quite awful. I can't do much of anything while the chemo is in my blood beyond listening to music, watching movies and documentaries, and sleeping. I've been writing a lot of songs these days, but playing the piano while on chemo only heightens the neuropathic effects sending the electrical sensations deeper into my fingers… I now keep a hot pillow around the piano to warm my hands when I play to try and counter the effects.

The hardest part of this process over the last two treatments have been chemo mouth (clearly accented by yellow tongue). My taste-buds are extremely sensitive, nothing tastes like it normally would. My sense of smell is hyperactive and overwhelming and certain smells spin me into nauseous spell. The whole experience has really done a job at remixing my system. Yet, when the chemo has passed after a week, one would never know that I've been experiencing this hell. My vitality is restored, my mind is sharp, all my faculties are fully functioning. I'm able to do some work, see friends, spend time with my parents and family, get to the Russian Baths to sweat out the chemicals, get massage and acupuncture to further push the chemicals out, and operate on preparing my body for the next round of chemo. That's the reality. My week of life is spent squeezing the toxicity out of my body and preparing it for the following round.

That's the story for now.... this cycle will continue until mid-February. I'm am one-third down the road beating this.

[The above photo was taken before Kailash hit the stage in Chicago. And yes, I'm growing a beard.]

Round III: lightening bolts and spiritual interventions

It's been close to a week since my last entry. I write this as I'm on a plane to Dallas where I'm joining my partner Ali on our Kailash Kher & Kailasa tour. Kailash is expected to perform tomorrow at the new Dallas Cowboy Stadium to an audience of over 40,000 people as the headliner of a Diwali Festival. I know it will be worth the effort as this past week of chemo is still lingering and I need to return to this part of my life. This past week found me in bed coping with round III of chemo. Chemo brain was present, sheer exhaustion and fatigue were in full effect, nasty medicated chemo mouth is still wrapped around my tongue (it's really yucky), and of course the stabbing sensation in my jaw while eating has been a regular companion. The specific area of detonation ignited by grape or bread, pasta or green juice is called 'the condyle of the mandible', or 'the head of the jaw bone', or simply 'the temporomandibular joint'…. speaking of which, I need a joint…. Last I wrote I had resurrected my recording studio, created a dust storm and took in a little cold. The eye of the chemo tornado pulled it all together resulting in the alchemical side effect of what I will call 'exploding throat'; be it cough or sneeze, with any heavy exertion of air through my Adams Apple, the force would result in 'exploding throat', sending a message to my cerebral cortex that my voice box has shattered into a thousand piece and causing difficulty of breath. Fortunately I'm not one to panic and I'm generally very good with my breath, but the process of re-composition would generally take an average of 90-seconds. FUN!

Another chemo character to share more shades of its personality was neuropathy. If it were a cartoon character it would be personified by a friendly lightening bolt that when aggravated quickly transforms into a jagged razor sharp evil web of electricity. A week earlier our little friend was introduced to the story by my holding a cold pint of sambazon acai, it was here that it took my hand for an introductory handshake. This week I became well acquainted with my new friend in holding more lightening in my hands, pounding electricity on the piano keys, electrical jolts running through my feet, and feeling a cool breeze kiss my lips sending shocks through my mouth and up towards my nose (mother natures new way of saying 'i love you'). All that said as I type this with every keystroke a little lightening jolt nibbles on my fingertips. Sexy stuff!

I mainly spent this past week in bed coping. Monday at the hospital getting hooked to the juice, then stuck in bed in my headphones until Wednesday morning when I for the first time disconnected myself from the chemo pack, (I'll take a picture of the long needle that we unclamp from the port in my chest). My acupuncturist came over and tuned me up (forgot to mention the lower left area of my back has been enduring nasty muscle spasms all week), and then my friend Vanessa drove me to the Omega Institute where I linked with my wife on our 2-year wedding anniversary to spend time in the current of Brazilian healer 'John of God' (over a thousand people a day came to Omega for this happening). Wed - Friday were spent at Omega. I had a spiritual intervention, spent more time in bed in my headphones, collapsed in front of my friends Brett & Helema as a muscle spasm overtook me, ate like a bird, and returned home by bus on Friday to spend a little time with my father for his birthday. Now I'm on a plane… Something tells me I'm pushing myself a little too much, what do you think? I know I can handle it, I'm as strong as a lion!

To my friends that have been calling, texting, emailing and have received only silence, please excuse the reality that I had to drop out this past week, and I will be forced to drop out every other week. Between chemo, family affairs, and taking in the electrical current of John of God, this week has been all about healing… everything right now is about healing. All social and business activities are on hold. I've been so busy being sick and tired I didn't even get to enjoy the all organic au-natural herbal remedies my friends have been gifting me with. To be perfectly honest, it's a little challenging to smoke a spliff when your mom is taking care of you, your father is always around, and your wife is a hardcore raw-live-vegan-shamanic-healer. Still, as Round IV approaches I'm going to have to schedule it in like I schedule acupuncture and massage, I can explain to my family that next to the supplements of vitamin B, and C and magnesium and gold and iron that Vitamin M is also an integral part of the healing process.

unraveling life's secrets

It's been a week since my last blog entry. Since resurrection there's been a lot of running around over the last 7-days. My Saturday through Thursday were eaten up wearing the managers hat. I flew to LA on Saturday to be with our act Kailash Kher and Kailasa. We rocked The Hollywood Bowl on the Sunday to an audience of approximately 13,000 people, we landed 90-minutes of live on-air time with Kailash on our favorite radio station KCRW (click to listen/watch) on the Monday, returned to NYC for a hit at Le Poisson Rouge on the Tuesday, dealt with logistics and more logistics until we got them to the airport and they flew to Vancouver on Thursday (of course someone got lost in the airport and missed the plane). My business partner Ali is with the boys for Vancouver, Seattle and San Francisco (his beautiful son Maysum is pictured above standing on the Hollywood Bowl stage after watching Uncle Kailash rock). I will reconnect with the band in Dallas on Saturday for our Dallas Cowboys Stadium concert. Free of managerial obligations I spent 16-hours on Friday resurrecting my studio with Brad and throwing away a lot of old technology. The exercise unleashed a nasty sneezy dust storm and now I'm sick. The doctors warned me that my immune system would weaken, but dust?!?! Old bacteria floating in the air did a number on me… Saturday's attempt to remedy the situation with an afternoon at the Russian Baths, all the green juices and healthy foods swimming with my blood, and a Tiesto concert at the Hammerstein Ballroom was not enough to knock out what has developed into a little cold. I've spent my Sunday with the family. Tomorrow morning my 14-day cycle of death and rebirth begins again as I enter Round III of chemo. Hopefully the pressure I feel in around my sinus's and eyes will not magnify as chemo brain sets in - fun!

It's been a challenging week. One of re-evaluation, letting go, holding on, and confronting those things that are not working for me at this point in my life. In my truth of truths I find I'm most excited waking up in the morning and going straight to my piano and writing songs. My entrepreneurial mind is retreating more and more each day as my obsession for writing songs is taking me over. Over the last month I've birthed 3-songs that I really like: 'Nothing Less Than A Miracle', 'So Many Lives' and 'Michangelos Den'. Pushing chords, melodies, lyrics and arrangements is like unraveling life's secrets, unearthing some great mystery, and taking a snap shot of my immediate present. Time ceases to exists when I'm alone and lost in the music. I'm far from stressed and lost in the songs frequency. It's now been 1-month living with chemo. 5-months remain in-front of me. As I've been letting go of my old possessions, I'm starting to redefine the relationship I have with my obligations and recommitting to my love affair with writing songs. Chemo starts in about 15-hours… I'm now going to spend a few hours tweaking some compositions before my mind starts to melt...

cyclical pattern of death and rebirth

Since my last entry upon returning from Omega my vitality has fully returned. With the passing of Labor Day Weekend it feels like everyone has returned to work. It's been a bit challenging for me to look at what I can realistically do and what I can not take on. Basing this theory on my chemo experience last week, my existence for the next 6-months will be a 2-week cyclical pattern of death and rebirth, one week of death followed by a week of life, and onward towards Valentines Day will this cycle continue. The discipline of meeting my own self-imposed deadlines in such short spaces of time will hopefully provide me the ability to complete a smattering of half baked projects that have been sitting on my desk requiring focused attention. All that said, it's been a productive few days - it's the first time I have done ANY work since July 15th, when the unplanned operation took place... really since July 1st, when my precious cat for 17-years, Fairuz died in my arms. It feels really good to be able to work!

Beyond work, this week has also been one of training and preparation for the 2nd round of chemo. I've been fueling myself daily with 4-5 green juices, eating healthy, regular prayer (in alignment with the call to prayer that sings out of my iPhone every few hours reminding me when the hundreds of millions of fasting Muslims observing Ramadan are also on their knees), some exercise, and regular time around the piano writing songs. I was looking pretty good before, but now thirty pounds lighter, I feel and look better than I have in years. all my clothes are big on me. I do not look like I'm dealing with cancer, but this IS the week of life, next week will be considerably different.

As major rainfall descends upon the eastern seaboard, it is safe to say that our GlobeSonic Summer Dance Party on The Hudson will be canceled by the City Parks Foundation tonight. I was really looking forward to it. We had over 1200 people attend our last party on the Hudson, it truly fed my spirit as it was the first time I had really been out since the hospitalization. I do not plan on DJing until November when Parashakti and I launch a new event entitled 'Illuminate' at the brand new Open Center (more on that later). I have a fine weekend of activities leading me to Mondays Chemo. I will goto the United Nations for " A Concert for Pakistan", be present for for a 'Shivah' in observance of the passing of my friends father, meet with the renown Dr. Robert Young, brunch with my Cuban cousin Leonor who I have not seen for years, and hopefully I will get to The Russian Baths and sweat out what ever chemicals may still be lingering in my body so that I am even more ready for the 2nd round. I was at The Baths yesterday, I am very very fortunate that I have not experienced the electrical jolting side-effect that cold can have on the body, it only manifests when I eat (I've learned how to work with it). Hopefully this weeks preparations will give me the strength and stamina I need to get on the plane to LA on Thursday for the Kailash Kher concert at the Hollywood Bowl. I'm going to try to cheat a day off from my death sentence to get to LA.

Keep sending the good vibes - FKA